Expectations around the cleanliness and tidiness of the host s home will vary along a number of dimensions. Where there are young children it is not reasonable to expect the home to be immaculately tidy although it is expected to be sufficiently clean not to constitute a health hazard. Similarly, expectations change if the host is elderly or infirm. As a precaution, higher expectations are projected on to in-laws as guests than one s own family: they must not be given cause to feel that the family joined to their own has lower standards. However, this relationship is structurally prone to tension. This may be manifest when a normally pragmatic household unusually finds itself conflictual at the visit of in-laws. CG found himself offering to pack his partner s mother s suitcase for her during a very long visit during which his parenting and hospitality skills were subject to a constant critical tirade. The situation is now managed by inviting her to keep her daughter company whilst CG is away at conferences.

The generation gap applies both ways. Overnight guests of teenagers are particularly problematic: are they a boy/girl-friend, are they intending to have sex, does the parent wish to prevent this? The liberal parent who makes up the double bed in the spare bedroom, then finds that the guest is not the child s sexual partner, is just as embarrassed as the parent who attempts to prevent any sexual activity under the parental roof. There...