Overview

I ran a programme to help managers coach their staff. Like most managers they were highly pragmatic in their approach. Energy dropped every time a piece of theory was introduced and rose immediately they had the chance to talk with each other about real life issues that were impacting on them. Asked to coach each other to find a way forward, the conversations followed a predictable path:

John would start telling Tim the details of his work issue, which usually concerned someone they both knew.

Tim would ask John a few questions and, within a minute or less, would be offering his views on that individual and his solution to the matter.

Sometimes John showed some resistance to Tim s solution, which undermined Tim s instant answer, but then acted as a spur for Tim to work harder to come up with a solution. With every minute that passed John talked less and less while Tim talked more and more, generously offering his wisdom for John s benefit. Alternately, if John was an amiable sort, and if Tim was more senior, he would readily accept Tim s ideas and they would quickly divert the conversation onto other matters.

Both would report back after the exercise that they had enjoyed talking with each other, and John would express his appreciation of Tim s efforts.

Follow up when the group reconvened a month later would show that John had not implemented Tim s solution. Neither...