A Patent for Watermarking Humans

Why should watermarks be limited to digital files and pieces of paper? Can any way of leaving a trace act like a watermark? We offer the claims to an unfiled patent application for "implanting a memetic watermark through humorous banter."

Claims:

1. A method for implanting and detecting a watermark in a human subject by

   • identifying a funny sentence selected from a group of witticisms, whimsical retorts, riddles, puns, limericks, jokes, droll patter, parodistic remarks, and satirical levity;

   • offering said funny sentence to said human subject in a manner designed to attract their attention and implant said funny sentence in their brain and create an instance of a memetic watermark;

   • detecting the presence of said memetic watermark by repeating said funny sentence in order to analyze the response of said human subject who will either laugh or announce that the joke was not new to them.

2. The method of claim (1), where said funny sentence is repeated and repeated until it is firmly implanted in said human subject's neural patterns.

3. The method of claim (2), where said funny sentence is repeated again and again in order to increase the reaction time and volume of the response of said human subject in order to increase the detection of said watermark.

4. The method of claim (3), where said funny sentence is repeated several more times, increasing the sensitivity in said human subject enough to prompt them to throttle the neck of the next person to repeat said funny...